his name was patrick

the other night a former student of mine invited me to a candle light for the anniversary of his brother's death. as you may or may not know i teach 3 to 5 year olds so this story is all the more tragic. my former student was five and his brother nearly a year old when he passed away. needless to say i was already close to this family, but after this tragedy took place i would become a little closer.

a year ago, i got the news from the head of school in the early evening. she told me simply that patrick had passed away and that the family was going to need a lot of support. i was in shock because the baby was in my class that day. he was crawling around full of energy, full of life. by that afternoon he had died. it was said that SIDS was the cause, and i cannot see how that reason could give any parent understanding. sudden infant death syndrome. that is just an acronym, not a cause of death...

regardless the family had an incredible year trying to move on, trying to wake up, trying to put one shoe on at a time, trying to put their clothes on and get going with a day that no one else in their lives would experience. constant reminders through out the house in toys, clothes, spaces, and pictures. patrick was only on the planet for a short time, but his impact was immense.

it is said that one of the greatest tragedies for a parent is to see their child die. i believe it. the following days afterward, patrick's father would make his way over to the school, exhausted from lack of sleep and overwrought with emotion. he would come over and sign his son (my student at the time) in and out. just getting back to a routine. trying to keep some part of his life consistent.

both parents were incredible through this whole situation. they did everything they could to make sure their five year old was going to make it through all of this. michael was a bright student and emotionally was very aware of his surroundings. which i think helped him cope better with his brother's death.

the vigil was beautiful, a small tree was planted in the front yard and several candles were placed around the young trunk. about twenty people from around the neighborhood attended, and each talked about the young boy known as patrick. some spoke about the parents, and others commented on the support of the neighborhood. which i think is the big picture of this event.

columbia over the past ten years has torn up huge segments of earth to make way for upscale homes and shopping centers. these new developments may attract families, but they won't attract entire neighborhoods like the one on Anderson Ave. (where patrick's family resides). this neighborhood pulled together and helped out the family. brought dinner over, bought clothes for the family for the funeral, mowed the lawn, took michael out, and provided a solid foundation for support.

this family would not have healed over this past year without those people, and the vigil was there way of saying thank you. it really makes you take a step back from your own life and realize what is important, what is necessary, and in the grand scheme of things how small we really are...

Mastodon...Megazilla...For Fuck's sake save your Blog entry...

okay so i wrote out this HUGE!!! blog about my experience at the Mastodon show, and wouldn't you know it, i messed up on one of the tags, and when i went back to plug in the entry it erased everything... it has taken me two days to recover, so i will try this again, and hopefully with the same energy, here it goes:

The other night I went to see Mastodon, Priestess, Mouth of the Architect, and Megazilla at the blue note.

when writing out concert reviews there is a simple set of guidelines one must follow:
1) Who you saw
2) Where you went
3) Try to avoid introducing a band as "my friend's band" when you do this it immediately puts that band on a grading curve. For example:

Last night i went to see my friend's band Toxic Waste Dump. They were pretty good. "Pretty good = horrible" sorry that is how it works. Also if you describe a band as "really nice people" first, also not a good band.

with all of this said.

The first band of the evening was Megazilla. i have seen this band numberous times but not on a sound system as big as The Blue Note. the duo has played in smaller venues, basements, art spaces, etc. but they certainly took advantage of the modest 1000 person capacity Blue Note. Did i mention these guys happen to be friends of mine. But lets take them off of the "Friend's band" grading curve. it would be unfair, because their perfomance was loud and they were tight. Corey "MegaCoCo" Cottrell explains that Megazilla is basically "a kick drum and amps" and he is right. Joey "MegaJoJo" Hook, plays the kit with six arms and a driving kick that layers very well with Cottrell's eight string bass. The songs are heavy but precise. The two have great chemistry, most likely because the two are off-stage lovers. okay that part is not true, but the two had previously played in a five piece called Grand Canyon, which, like most Columbia bands, met a premature end.

The most impressive thing about Megazilla's performance was the amount of people who were captivated by their show. during the quiet parts of songs there was not a single voice. All eyes were on these two creating a great warm up for the eventual headliners Mastodon.

Mastodon, has had lofty and genuine comparisons to Metallica. i have never seen metallica, but good christ the music is there. i am not a stranger to metal, but i'm not season ticket holder to the genre either, but this was a fantastic performance. these guys treat metal as an actual art form. there are no silly poses, or overdone costumes. these four just step up to their instruments and play. this is what other metal bands should strive for. yes the subject matter of their songs are considered "dark" and "heavy" but they don't need to look, dress or act that way.

i have returned... with what exactly...

so i went to austin, texas with my band, and it was hella fun... we played some good shows and saw some good shows. we spent time with friends and drank with them.

i had some very good meetings and got some great advice from new and old friends who own fantastic labels...

i think what i came back with is a fresh perspective on everything i am doing. i was really down on myself for coming off too business like sometimes, but after meeting some of the people i met, i am nowhere near that level. i am simply trying to get columbia on the map, and help bands i love get their music out to as many people as possible. it would be nice if this was my full time job, but it is not... not right now. i don't think this is a foolish pursuit... but time will be the best judge.

so after travelling 14 hours in the minivan with five other people (austin to columbia), i had to get up and motivate myself to face the onslaught of 20+ children and their needs at 8 am... it was a lot today, mondays are always difficult, they are out of routine, out of sync, and of course not feeling well... so after 8 and half hours i came home and fixed my computer, had some dinner and worked out for the first time in a week. austin was fun, but i paid for it... i think i am still recovering from friday night's partying...

i'll have a SxSW tour diary in MOVE magazine in the next couple of weeks...

i recently read a very good book called Attention. Deficit. Disorder. by Brad Listi. Brad contacted the band's myspace site and we traded his LA times Bestselling book for our cd... i read it in the van to and from austin, and normally this isn't the type of book i would read cover to cover, but i kept identifying with the main character. anyway i am going to write him a letter at my earliest convenience. the main character goes through so much personal tragedy, i'm curious to know how much of Mr. Listi's own personal demons are intertwined in the character. i know that sometimes the songs i write have very cryptic lyrics, but they are always connected to me somehow... anyway i highly recommend the book.

it is time to rest my head full of worry... good night to you all as well...

okay okay i now have a computer...

so now i don't have any excuse to update this...

here is what i know... as of the past couple months i have contemplated many changes in my life. we are talking big time transitions. i am not renewing my lease, i don't know where i'm going to live, but i know that i am looking for a month-to-month thing. so that should cause an ample amount of stress on my life on top of the other things...

but to counteract all of that i am working out on a daily basis (well 5 out of 7 days to be exact), and i am addicted to it. that's not necessarily a good thing but it gives me a routine, and i feel a whole lot better.

i will say lately my patience has run out on a lot of things. i realize i live in a community that i absolutely adore, but the members are all in transition in their lives. which of course effects everyone else. i have sort of isolated myself because i have issues i am trying to deal with. i think the big part of all of this, is that i feel like there are certain expectations of me that shouldn't be put on anyone. in my position i feel like there is no room for error, people just expect you to continue being this person that met five years ago, five months ago, or five minutes ago. and sometimes its just too much. i think the goal of anyone living here is to try to make the positive changes for yourself without hurting other people...

with that said i have hurt people in trying to continue on this path of music. i feel horrible about that, especially when you see that individual in public and there is this nonexistent look in their eyes. i can quickly dismiss that as eighth grade behavior, but that's not it all (and i have had to convince myself of this) it is much deeper than that. (i guess you all know who i am referring to at this point) but even though i know that the decision to leave a great relationship was for the best, the imprint is still there. the feelings take a long time to heal. i wish i could say something that would heal, but everything has already been said, and you have to move on...

which i have, and i maintain my singlehood for good reason. its just not my time to have a very involved relationship, other than the whole label and band thing...

speaking of... i will be in austin all next week for sxsw. i am excited and nauseated at the same time. i have had so much advice about going down there and having a plan of action. i already do, and i just want to take my time and soak in the festivities. the band has four activities:

- wed. 3/14 - IODA opening day bash with black angels, apostle of hustle, etc...
- wed. 3/14 - that night we are doing a daytrotter session.
- thur. 3/15 - we are playing right after the texas rollergirls. roller derby, texas style!
- fri. 3/16 - we will sit down with XM radio for an acoustic session...

on top of this i have various meetings with distributors and other labels. so i will be busy.

well i have vented enough, and i hope to get back to a more noteworthy installment in the next day or so...