okay okay i now have a computer...

so now i don't have any excuse to update this...

here is what i know... as of the past couple months i have contemplated many changes in my life. we are talking big time transitions. i am not renewing my lease, i don't know where i'm going to live, but i know that i am looking for a month-to-month thing. so that should cause an ample amount of stress on my life on top of the other things...

but to counteract all of that i am working out on a daily basis (well 5 out of 7 days to be exact), and i am addicted to it. that's not necessarily a good thing but it gives me a routine, and i feel a whole lot better.

i will say lately my patience has run out on a lot of things. i realize i live in a community that i absolutely adore, but the members are all in transition in their lives. which of course effects everyone else. i have sort of isolated myself because i have issues i am trying to deal with. i think the big part of all of this, is that i feel like there are certain expectations of me that shouldn't be put on anyone. in my position i feel like there is no room for error, people just expect you to continue being this person that met five years ago, five months ago, or five minutes ago. and sometimes its just too much. i think the goal of anyone living here is to try to make the positive changes for yourself without hurting other people...

with that said i have hurt people in trying to continue on this path of music. i feel horrible about that, especially when you see that individual in public and there is this nonexistent look in their eyes. i can quickly dismiss that as eighth grade behavior, but that's not it all (and i have had to convince myself of this) it is much deeper than that. (i guess you all know who i am referring to at this point) but even though i know that the decision to leave a great relationship was for the best, the imprint is still there. the feelings take a long time to heal. i wish i could say something that would heal, but everything has already been said, and you have to move on...

which i have, and i maintain my singlehood for good reason. its just not my time to have a very involved relationship, other than the whole label and band thing...

speaking of... i will be in austin all next week for sxsw. i am excited and nauseated at the same time. i have had so much advice about going down there and having a plan of action. i already do, and i just want to take my time and soak in the festivities. the band has four activities:

- wed. 3/14 - IODA opening day bash with black angels, apostle of hustle, etc...
- wed. 3/14 - that night we are doing a daytrotter session.
- thur. 3/15 - we are playing right after the texas rollergirls. roller derby, texas style!
- fri. 3/16 - we will sit down with XM radio for an acoustic session...

on top of this i have various meetings with distributors and other labels. so i will be busy.

well i have vented enough, and i hope to get back to a more noteworthy installment in the next day or so...