i think everyone has ancient routines that they go through everyday that have followed them since childhood... i notice mine more when i can't sleep. this happens occasionally on days where i'm highly stressed or cannot shake anxiety-ridden thoughts. so i may pace a bit, i may grab my guitar (much to my roommates' dismay), pick up a book, or listen to some music with my head phones. but the one thing i always make sure to do is close my closet door. i admit that is a bit on the OCD side of things, but when i'm at my highest level of "can't sleep" that seems like a necessary thing.
i remember doing that when i was younger because i didn't want my closet monsters peering at me as i slept. i would even make sure the closet door was sealed tight so there was no way any creature could get out and get my brother and i. now that i'm 30 do i still worry about the monster? yes. yes i do. okay that's not true, but its just an old habit that has not left me. maybe its a coping thing to sleep. i don't know.
so as i wrestle with insomnia here, i wonder what other's think as they try to sleep and shrug off their worries. or how they do that to begin with. how do you stop giving a shit about every minute detail? i think my problem is i'm a night person living in a day job world. i'm not sure if that means i need to adjust to the day job world or if i need to embrace my night person world.
either way i should probably rest my head and move on to tomorrow. which includes shaving my beard off. not a popular idea among my friends who can't grow a beard, but one my mom will be happy with. i'm not doing this to spite my friends or make my mom happy. i'm just kinda of tired with it for now. i'll probably start growing it back as the colder winter months approach. i just feel like starting new. but how to take this sucker down is another thought process. do i keep the "stache" for little while? do i shave a cool design in the beard first and sport that around? do i keep the sideburns? so many different paths.
regardless i will lose ten years on my face by doing this and well i will most likely get carded for everything. alcohol, condoms, and rated r movies.
well alcohol i'm still off of, but i have been asked for i.d. for the last two.
quickly and then some zzzzzzz's.
so when i was a freshman in college i was home in st. louis and went out and got condoms. i was very responsible with my lady at the time. the thing was i could never just go in and get condoms, i had to be purchasing other items and do the ol' "yeah just this and some (yawn) condoms." (they kept them behind the counter at the time.)
this one particular time i went to a 7-eleven and noticed this parent with her two kids fresh from a soccer game milling around the slurpee machine. i thought, okay i'll just get my cherry coke, get in line and ask for the condoms and get out. well i get my cherry coke and sprint (sort of) to the counter. right before i get there this very old man cuts in line and asks for "benson and hedges 100s in a box" well the cashier is looking all over and can't find it. the man settles on a soft pack and at this point starts counting out his change. FUCKING A! the cashier has to end up spotting him 5 cents. i was close to just buying them for him. so after he gets his pack, i push my cherry coke on the counter and it rolls off on the side of the cashier. he digs it out from his side and asks "will there be anything else my man?" (now at this point everything feels like slow motion). i said, "oh and a pack of the trojans. the light blue box." (i didn't know the varieties, i just knew what i got last time i was there). at this point the cashier looks at me and says "can i see some I.D.?"
i stared at him as if he had just asked me for an I.D. for condoms. oh wait, he did. so i'm speechless and waiting for him to say just kidding or get out or something, instead he just stares waiting for my action. i look around the store for a comforting face, but all i get is that parent with her two kids who are now directly behind me watching all of this unfold, along with three other people. look folks i was nineteen and being responsible, yet i felt like i was just caught shoplifting. alot of tsking came from the line.
i looked back at the cashier, who now has a big toothy grin and says, "naw man i'm just playin'. i'm just glad yer usin' these." he hands me my package of condoms and continues to compliment my high standards of personal responsiblity. i could feel my face heat up from the apparent red color i was beaming to the rest of the store. fucking ridiculous.
i pay for everything and as i walk out he yells, "goo' luhk, man!" while the mother of the two soccer players scowls and shakes her head at me.
i thought, "whatever lady, i'm going to get laid and i wasn't going to be having any lame soccer offspring."
okay enough tangents for one night...
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