the anatomy of shaving off your beard (picture form)

1. Start with a beard. your beard does not have to be as "powerful" as mine, but you need to start with a beard in order to complete this. it also may be a good idea to do this to your own face.




2. Trim your beard down. this is important, because if you are like me you have a "powerful" beard and you will need to be careful when you are using the razor for the first time in say a year or so...



3.Shower and Shave. Wash your face, preferably in shower form, and then shave immediately.


4.If its halloween, be an asshole and use the 'stache! I took full advantage of this and you can see the result. BOSS.




5. After using the 'stache to your advantage, shave it! Especially if you teach children like me. Moustache+minivan+working with children = creepy. So i had to take the remainder of my facial hair off.

the anatomy of shaving off your beard (short written form)

i will soon have photos up of the breakdown of this momentous occasion. right now my face is cold, smooth, but cold... this will take some time to get used to for my friends and especially for me.

the moustache was pretty boss, but with my current day job, i would come off way creepy.

pictures up soon...

for now sleep.

to the sleep deprived... thoughts on the death of my beard... hey, i'm going to need your i.d. for those...

i think everyone has ancient routines that they go through everyday that have followed them since childhood... i notice mine more when i can't sleep. this happens occasionally on days where i'm highly stressed or cannot shake anxiety-ridden thoughts. so i may pace a bit, i may grab my guitar (much to my roommates' dismay), pick up a book, or listen to some music with my head phones. but the one thing i always make sure to do is close my closet door. i admit that is a bit on the OCD side of things, but when i'm at my highest level of "can't sleep" that seems like a necessary thing.

i remember doing that when i was younger because i didn't want my closet monsters peering at me as i slept. i would even make sure the closet door was sealed tight so there was no way any creature could get out and get my brother and i. now that i'm 30 do i still worry about the monster? yes. yes i do. okay that's not true, but its just an old habit that has not left me. maybe its a coping thing to sleep. i don't know.

so as i wrestle with insomnia here, i wonder what other's think as they try to sleep and shrug off their worries. or how they do that to begin with. how do you stop giving a shit about every minute detail? i think my problem is i'm a night person living in a day job world. i'm not sure if that means i need to adjust to the day job world or if i need to embrace my night person world.

either way i should probably rest my head and move on to tomorrow. which includes shaving my beard off. not a popular idea among my friends who can't grow a beard, but one my mom will be happy with. i'm not doing this to spite my friends or make my mom happy. i'm just kinda of tired with it for now. i'll probably start growing it back as the colder winter months approach. i just feel like starting new. but how to take this sucker down is another thought process. do i keep the "stache" for little while? do i shave a cool design in the beard first and sport that around? do i keep the sideburns? so many different paths.

regardless i will lose ten years on my face by doing this and well i will most likely get carded for everything. alcohol, condoms, and rated r movies.

well alcohol i'm still off of, but i have been asked for i.d. for the last two.

quickly and then some zzzzzzz's.

so when i was a freshman in college i was home in st. louis and went out and got condoms. i was very responsible with my lady at the time. the thing was i could never just go in and get condoms, i had to be purchasing other items and do the ol' "yeah just this and some (yawn) condoms." (they kept them behind the counter at the time.)

this one particular time i went to a 7-eleven and noticed this parent with her two kids fresh from a soccer game milling around the slurpee machine. i thought, okay i'll just get my cherry coke, get in line and ask for the condoms and get out. well i get my cherry coke and sprint (sort of) to the counter. right before i get there this very old man cuts in line and asks for "benson and hedges 100s in a box" well the cashier is looking all over and can't find it. the man settles on a soft pack and at this point starts counting out his change. FUCKING A! the cashier has to end up spotting him 5 cents. i was close to just buying them for him. so after he gets his pack, i push my cherry coke on the counter and it rolls off on the side of the cashier. he digs it out from his side and asks "will there be anything else my man?" (now at this point everything feels like slow motion). i said, "oh and a pack of the trojans. the light blue box." (i didn't know the varieties, i just knew what i got last time i was there). at this point the cashier looks at me and says "can i see some I.D.?"

i stared at him as if he had just asked me for an I.D. for condoms. oh wait, he did. so i'm speechless and waiting for him to say just kidding or get out or something, instead he just stares waiting for my action. i look around the store for a comforting face, but all i get is that parent with her two kids who are now directly behind me watching all of this unfold, along with three other people. look folks i was nineteen and being responsible, yet i felt like i was just caught shoplifting. alot of tsking came from the line.

i looked back at the cashier, who now has a big toothy grin and says, "naw man i'm just playin'. i'm just glad yer usin' these." he hands me my package of condoms and continues to compliment my high standards of personal responsiblity. i could feel my face heat up from the apparent red color i was beaming to the rest of the store. fucking ridiculous.

i pay for everything and as i walk out he yells, "goo' luhk, man!" while the mother of the two soccer players scowls and shakes her head at me.

i thought, "whatever lady, i'm going to get laid and i wasn't going to be having any lame soccer offspring."

okay enough tangents for one night...

Holy (Trinity) Shit!

i like sports. i'm not going to apologize for this. i know way too much about current and past players, strategies, offenses, defenses, and mascots of teams from all sports. when i came to columbia, mo for the univ. of missouri's j-school (pardon me "journalism" school) i wanted to be a sports writer. combining two passions of mine into one, an easy choice. after my first round of j-school classes i realized i hated the format of writing in journalism as was taught at the time.

so this morning i'm doing my usual internet check in and i find a video of a last second play in a football game between NCAA division III schools Trinity University and Millsaps that most likely will end up on a number of top ten plays of the year in the media.

for those not familiar with the intricate rules of football, just know that there is only two seconds left in the game and the only option Trinity has here is to score a touch down. in this case in order to keep the ball moving forward they have to either throw one big pass in the endzone or continuously lateral the ball to keep moving towards the endzone. trinity obviously chooses the latter:



as far as lateral circuses go this comes a close second to the Cal and Stanford game, in that game the marching band offers the perfect touch of last second dramatics.

a disclaimer: this blog is not about halloween... but this post does mention the dreaded holiday

just putting this out here. yes "zombies" are featured in the title, but i have to say that i'm not all that big on halloween. its funny as a person with a background in elementary and early childhood education, halloween and valentine's day are my least favorite holidays.

if i had to rank the major holidays as they pertain to a teacher from favorite to hated (yes hated) they would go:

1.christmas/hannukah/kwanzaa - no matter what you celebrate you will receive gifts/candy/alcohol/movie certificates/etc. teachers often refer to this as "the score"
2.new year's day - essentially this recognizes that all staff and parents are human and take advantage of a day of nursing hangovers. i think the hangover part of this holiday should be a bigger part of the celebration. like maybe say a parade full of napping and passed out people on floats made by those same sleeping people the night before when they were drunk. i imagine floats with deflated tires, flowers and paper mache pasted to the side of hungover faces, and small fires in random spots on the displays as they crawl through intersections and over street corners knocking down fire hydrants, road signs,etc...
3. president's day - the day off, thanks to our founding fathers.
4. halloween - the candy and such is a plus, but as a teacher you have to manage a classroom that is essentially in crazy mode all day long (sometimes that is not too far from a normal day). unfortunately parents' attempt to get their kids into a cute costume that will eventually hang on their wall in picture form (which will eventually embarrass them when they bring home their first significant other) and they forget about feasibility. parts of the costume have to be retied, repinned, readjusted, and of course these are little guys so they have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes, so the costume better have a quick escape hatch. if not, well let's just say it will be an unhappy day for that trick-or-treater.
5. valentine's day - okay here is my "bah, hum bug" moment. i really hate this holiday. not because i am single, i hate this holiday when i'm in LOVE with someone. i could site the whole "it's a corporate holiday" thing, but let me tell you, it is the least creative of the holidays. every thing is packaged perfectly (i use that term loosely) in pink, red, lace, shiny, silk, balloon, teddy bear, and heart forms. and what happens with all of that shit? you throw it out. okay you throw everything out after all holidays, but this is the one where you get rid of everything. how many people actually say, "oh and this is my teddy bear with the 'i wuv you' balloon that josh got me fifteen years ago. isn't it sweet? oh and this is the heart pillow that plays bryan adams' 'everything i do, i do for you', that josh gave me in 2000." by the way if you are dating someone like that, break up with them now, unless you enjoy the unattached mind. now as a teacher, there is something cute about 20 handcrafted cards that say happy valentine's day spelled in scarwling crayon reading "hSVda5*/g". but i guess its how adults interact with each other on this particular day. "honey i love you so much, and thank god there is a holiday that reminds me to tell you this. so here is a precious moments statuette that says exactly what i am supposed to tell you." wow i'm a cynical asshole. but why is feb. 14 more meaningful than feb. 15? oh because the card i just gave you says so...

for a couple of months i have been wanting to shave my beard, but i wanted to use the remaining moustache as a costume prop for halloween. but being an early childhood instructor and having a moustache raises the creep flag. so the costumes that have been pondered are:

- police man - too village people-ish
- fire man - see police man
- news anchor - students would get this
- freddie mercury - see police man, fire man, and news anchor

so as it turns out the one that makes the most sense with enough kitsch value is being...

a nascar driver. the problems with this are one) due to the suprising rise of popularity, nascar gear is expensive. two) this outfit will work with school, but what about my time between school and an eventual appearance at a party? i look ridiculous in just a moustache. i mean i look like a bad ass, but seriously this is something i can keep for less than five minutes without a costume.

the other issue is that the beard makes me look closer to my age of 30. if i shave it off i lose at least ten years, maybe more and i will have to go through showing six forms of i.d. to see a rated r movie.

the good kinda of find... and more discussions from the playground...

i mentioned many moons ago that i would use this space for a variety of things, and not to add to the already cluttered world of music blogs and the excess buzz they leave on the internet, but last week during my visit to CMJ i attended the
Fader Magazine party, where i discovered yeasayer. Let me rephrase "discovered", because no one really discovers say a fire truck with all of its lights speeding down the street. so i had heard about yeasayer with all of the typical fanfare of the next up and coming thing. which when you hear and read about a band before hearing it for yourself you tend to overhype the band in your head. but as i stood amongst A & R jerks, backpack journalists, and various model and band types i found a moment of clarity. i was able to shove aside all fanfare and the hippest of the hippest crowd and observe the band. it was great from the get go. the band opened up with "2080" and i was hooked from there. live they take full advantage of the pedals and multi-part vocals. as a show they look like four guys that don't belong in the same band. i can't go into much more description you have to see the show to get it. regardless their approach to music can be similar to that of other brooklyn-based bands like say TV on the Radio. anyway, there was something endearing about this band that kept your attention.

you will certainly hear more from this band as they make their way around the typical "up and coming" circuit. as could be predicted pitchfork has a glowing review up. regardless i think the music is great and is worth looking into.

so now that i'm back at work with the kiddos they of course provide some pretty funny interactions which is a pleasant change from my previous week filled with overserious self conscious music folks in williamsburg. here is another situation. again the student's name is changed for the sake of privacy.

i am called to a situation at the geo-dome (for those unfamiliar with this apparatus, it is basically a climbing structure that looks like half of a soccer ball). there are six students climbing on the top and one child is below on the ground sitting in the dirt.

me: amanda you need help? you should move out of the way so that your other friends can get down without hurting you.

amanda: i can't

me: why?

amanda: because

me: (now sensing a conversational pattern that is typical with 3 to 5 year olds) because why?

amanda: because i can't (kids at this age are notorious for answering in circles)

me: why can't you move? if your friends drop down they will hurt you.

amanda: because i'm in the toilet.

me: you're in the toilet?

amanda: yeah we are playing toilet bowl and i just got flushed.

really it is hard to re-direct students when answers like this are said with such a serious tone and expression.

billy: you are playing toilet bowl?

amanda: yeah i'm in the water now, and they are all next.

its situations like these where i think back to my childhood and try and recall crazy made-up games like this. i don't think the toilet bowl ever crossed my mind as a premise for a game. oh well at least they weren't playing this in an actual toilet. that clean up is perhaps the worst part of the job.

After the trip, the things that need to go...

On my last night in New York city, I settled in at a bar in Brooklyn (Williamsburg) with some friends. Those in the know and dressed in the know covered the tables and walls of a room filled with velvet underground, black rebel motorcycle club, and other drone oriented pop rock pumping from the speakers. This was to be a low key night because the drive home was starting at 8 am. So we escaped the noise and clutter of the bar room with the cooler climate of the outdoor bench area to talk. It was a nice coherent line of conversation for about an hour. We decided to make it to another bar across the street in a much quieter setting and to see a friend I hadn’t seen all trip. We sat down and talked about Columbia: new/old/etc. and were quickly joined by a woman from Australia. She immediately cut in about life and what the purpose of everything was. Now I came to new York to find purpose and direction for my life. After meeting with a good portion of the music industry I felt I had a good grip on what I needed to do, but I still wasn’t feeling a summation of it all. Sometime life’s messages come in the oddest of vessels… I told her that her points were interesting and she told me to Fuck Off. She quickly apologized for the outburst, but here is how the rest of our conversation went:

Kate – No, no. I’m sorry. Look do you know what your choices are?
Billy – no
Kate – (licking her finger and drawing a circle on the table.) Look I can draw this for you. (she completes the circle with a smiley face). The only choice you have is to exist.
Billy – uh huh.
Kate – And we need to be happy. You need to believe that. You need to be happy and do what you need to do. Because without that, there is no point in existing.
Billy – Hmm.
Kate - and existing is why we are here in the first place.
Billy – Thank you so much. (I extend my hand and try to show my sincerity. She looks at it and squares her eyes at me) Well I have to go, but thank you so much. You are right (my hand is still extended at this point, her eyes become more focused as she attempts to read sarcasm in my efforts). Okay well you can leave it.
Kate – no, no (she grips my hand) you have to understand that is why we are here. And I don’t care I am not moving to California.
Billy – well kate thank you so much for your words. I have to go.
I extend a hug to her and she hugs back. In fact she won’t let go and she whispers, “stay passionate about what you are doing. Keep doing what keeps you happy.”

I begin my trip trying to figure out if I’m doing the right thing. Sacrificing financial stability, relationships, etc. for longevity in a creative field known for short life spans. And in the final hour, no final minute, I get a pep talk that has rivaled any halftime coach speech from a drunk lady from Australia. It gets me thinking about things. I have to cut the negatives and keep pushing and pursuing. Its almost where I want it to be.

A list of things that can go from my life now, to begin cleaning house, some of these are simple observations, some are more in-depth and personal….

Simple Observations:

• People with backpacks at crowded shows. – This is incredibly annoying on a variety of levels. Being a person of shorter stature I have found it difficult to see over the head and shoulders of my fellow concert attendees. This is something that I have grown accustomed to and usually expect out of my live shows. A factor you deal with at crowded shows is some asshole with a larger than small dog bag. I understand that when you travel by subway or bus and you will not be home for awhile that you will inevitably need a few things. But it’s the things THEY need, not me, so for the sake of those standing on tippy toes to see over your head and shoulders please please please leave the bad at the door. I’m not saying you’re an asshole if you’re carrying a bag through the door, but you are.

• Women (and men) with “purse” dogs – I understand the need to have something cuddly and cute and compassionate in your life. But dogs are NOT accessories. They aren’t supposed to “go with” your shoes, skirt, and sunglasses. If it breathes or needs water and food, it does not belong on the same shelf as your jewelry. I hate celebrities for okaying this function in society.

• The over exaggerated outfit. – This outfit is a constant in Williamsburg. In a sense there is this great “come as you are” feel to everything. But when you fucking show up in too tight shorts, an ironic v-neck t-shirt, oversized sun glasses and striped socks pulled all the way up to your knees with off color nike sneakers, you have gone from keeping your body clothed to becoming a clown. I have no problem with pushing fashion and style trends, but there is literally no difference in the amount of time put into an outfit like that and A guy getting ready for work with an Armani suit. That suit takes the same amount of time as those with the overexaggerated outfit. Making sure the half-shaved mullet fits perfectly inside and outside of your side-cocked neon “I love New York” hat. Making sure that the v-neck shirt doesn’t match your shorts, BUT does in fact match your socks. Look I know I’m being petty. And if you ever stop off the L train at Bedford you will only find one or two people like this in a crowd of a hundred. Still these people could go from my life.


Okay now for some of the more personal insights of things that need to go from my life:

• Other people's emotional baggage. – okay this sounds horribly selfish. And it is for the most part. notice i said "baggage". I’m 30. I have said that before. I will try not to beat this into the ground, but in my search for love (sometimes high/sometimes low) and path of life I have encountered too many people who will not take care of their shits. I being one of them. Many moons ago (in high school) my girlfriend was sexually assaulted. Her security and my trust in people were turned upside down. I never addressed it. I thought I did by working as an informational counselor on rape and sexual assault. I just worked over it. In a sense it’s like a bump in the road, but instead opening the road up and removing the bump I have laid down road upon road upon road over it. The bump still exists and now it has gotten to the point where I worry about EVERYTHING. This is something I have to address on my own, and I’m doing that now. So in my efforts to right my path of life (stress reduction, sobriety, celibacy. Okay that last one is NOT voluntary) I have found that my patience for the overdramatic problems that people have don’t fit in my life. And this really isn’t all that selfish, I mean I have taken three people in my life to Mid-Missouri Mental Health Ward because they either A) attempted suicide B) said they were going to do it that day. That is three too many in my lifetime. And that is hard when you go through that with a friend, because at that point you have gone from friend to therapist, and your relationship is never the same again. Not saying I can’t be there for a person who is going through a rough time, but when you make it a consistent issue that is when the problem arrives. Folks we only live once and you should make the best of it. I know I’m trying my best to cope with things in my past.

• My lack of confidence in myself. – in my constant worrying about everything I have lost my confidence in myself. Things I want to do now:

- Pick up music theory, understand the chords and notes i am playing. I know the primordial basics of what I’m doing, but I can learn more.

- Pick up the drums. It is a complicated instrument, but nothing that can’t be understood with some practice and technique.

- Get out on the dating scene. Notice I said “dating” not “relationship” scene. Not that I’m opposed to having a consistent somebody, but it would take someone uber-special to make me think otherwise.

- Travel more. Christ this planet is too big to be sitting in a smaller town treading water. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE Columbia, but I need to be able to see beyond its borders.

- Have some sort of intermediate long term goals. I have overall objectives I want to complete, but nothing concrete.

- More money. I am not saving anything, well I shouldn’t say that. I have an IRA, but really I need to pay down some debt in a major way.

• Short sleep times – Those in my inner circle know I am always working. I’m on my phone, computer, out of the house, out of my mind, etc. I need to get my body and mind rested. I am ALWAYS tired.
I think I have a better foundation for the things that need to change and improve in my life. Right now I have to resist a move to new York city and get cracking on a new album.

L to the V to the 2 to the R

if you ever move to new york, you will know with in five hours that you don't need a car. it's too much to worry about parking, insurance, and just plain driving sometimes. so subway it is. and the occasional cab.

yesterday it was all about mass trans. ryan has never been to nyc so after i got done with some band/label work we went to central park and the metropolitan museum of modern art, and later went to the world trade center site. hmmm. this is sounding like a date.

anyway, the night concluded with our label showcase at the knitting factory featuring witch's hat and bald eagle. both put on great shows to a nice size audience. the knitting factory's old office is like a cave with a bar. this played well for the antics of witch's hat, and provided a megaphone blast for bald eagle. if it weren't for the napkins i stuffed in my ears i would have no hearing for the rest of the trip. which sucks because this is of course a music festival.

anyway, time for rest on some couch cushions. more observations to come

12 hours in the Car = my ten year old version...

so as some of you may know, i am in new york city. this trip was a long one. 20 hours by car (more with traffic stops, starts, and stops). i am accompanied by my friend of longstanding, ryan reed. ryan is an honorary Schuh in my family. we get along great for a variety of reasons, but one that holds out the most, is the ability to just plain get along. it is really hard to find people you can actually travel with. ryan is just one of them fellers.

another thing about ryan is that we act like ten year olds when we are together. most of the conversation is laughing. usually about dumb shit we thought of or various sexual innuendos. it's all petty and immature, but funny. most of our sentences start out with YEAH! or CHECK THIS OUT! or No, Dude... again petty, but very needed. ryan and i both turned 30 and have had A LOT of changes in our lives. this trip is exactly what we needed. hopefully we will find what we are looking for besides pizza, falafel and taxis...

so our trip to new york was, as i mentioned, loooooong. our first stretch was from st. louis to columbus. that was cake. it was today's drive that was draining. started at 8:30 am and ended at 9:15 pm. okay for those mathemagicians out there that is more than 12 hours. but ryan and i came upon an accident in which two tractor-trailers collided to create what a witness described as "hell on earth". the two vehicles exploded and burned down to their frames. the wreckage was intense, but in order to see it you had to travel 7 miles for TWO hours.... slow doesn't even begin to describe the traffic pace.

anyway, we arrive in brooklyn and meet up with my friends in the band Witch's Hat. i had secured them and the band Bald Eagle a place to stay for the week of the CMJ festival, but like clockwork, something fell through. a roommate of one of the people they are staying with was unaware, and was not cool with four unknowns grabbing floor space. in the end it worked out fine, everyone has found cozy dwellings in williamsburg, brooklyn, but we will see how the shuffle for floor space will go for the next couple of days.

i am really looking forward to seeing some friends and meeting some new people with whom the label and band will be working with. also i will have dinner with my grandma (who apparently is sticking around this lifetime long enough to see me get married.... we'll see about that). so all in all i expect good things, but i need some rest. i slept on a hard wood floor last night and tonight i will be on a loveseat, so my back is going to be in all sorts of compromising positions... (insert your own joke here)

100 days of sobriety (also equals 100 days of celibacy)

So in the past couple of months i have dealt with a variety of dizzy spells and disorientations. My doctor recommended i let go of the bottle for a month. i did. i felt a little better, and after some blood tests, my electrolites and such improved. but it was recommended that i continue to stay on the sobriety train. so after fifteen more days, i got an implied challenge from friend josh. most people know him as pants, but he is currently riding 160 plus days without solid food. he has lost over 200 pounds and looks GREAT! i'm really proud of him. anyway, josh and i were talking. i was complaining about something, and he turns to me and says, "look schuh, when you have been off alcohol for a hundred days like i have been without food, then you can complain." thus the idea for 100 days of sobriety was born. what an idea, NO alcohol for 100 days. the last time that happened was years ago after i came down with a virus that kept me from walking. (a story for another time).

so here i am my 100th day of sobriety and i'm feeling great. do i sound like an alcoholic? well i certainly drank too much, but i think the issue was the fact that i was unable to maintain a balance of moderation and my body pretty much told me "that's it i'm shutting down." if you don't take care of your body it will do something about it. mine did. so in my off time from drinking i started exercising and eating better! what a fucking concept! so i feel better, though the dizzy spells still exist. MRI results showed i was normal(ish). no tumors and such. so what is my deal. i have done everything the doctors asked and well here i am still searching for an answer. damn i need a drink...

well the other biproduct is celibacy. now i'm not saying throw me a pity party, but the thing about not drinking and hanging out with people late into the evening you are aware of EVERY movement and word. you can't just cross off a one night stand to having too much cranberry juice. so i find myself overanalyzing words, movements and feelings. it doesn't leave much room for stupid lines and moves...

regardless, i feel okay with all of that. i have met some really nice women (which is hard to find in a college town) but nothing to write home about... yet. all in all i'm going to quietly celebrate this small feat with some sleep. alone. (pity party time!)

Ascension into the Kingdom of Salt Lake City

It’s been awhile since I updated my blog, but I have been incredibly busy preparing, packing and planning my trip out to the west coast. This is a broken tour of sorts eleven shows during a three week span, so part vacation, part introducing our music to a segment of the world that may have heard us in mp3 form…
To catch you up to speed, we played Denver our first night. The show went well, the staff at the hi-dive was incredible, but at the end of the night there was a discrepancy on the guarantee. Basically we were given $100 less than what we were told we would get, and in the day of the rising gas price, this was not a good conclusion. On top of that our merch case was run over by this drunk asshole. The picture is on the foundry’s myspace site. No one was hurt, but 14 cd’s met their end that night.
Everything about that show was great until the last 45 minutes. The plus in all of this was I met my cousin for the first time ever. I have been on this planet for 30 years and met a cousin I sort of knew existed but we were never in the same area. He was really nice and I found it odd that we had several things in common. He is a sports journalist and has a healthy to unhealthy obsession with sharks. Very similar wavelengths here.
The next day found us camping at Rifle Falls, Colorado campground. The back drop of the mountains and streams were jaw dropping. We got camped under a canopy of clouds, stars, and trees, all to the soundtrack of the waterfalls just 200 yards from our alcoholic induced slumbers. It was so peaceful, and I discovered I really enjoy camping. I have always liked camping, but my family wasn’t a camping family. A tent and a solid sleeping bag are my next purchases. Not saying I’m going to live off the grid, but perhaps I will camp more often, or I’d like to…
When the camp was cleaned up and the van was packed we headed to our next tour spot in Salt Lake City. I couldn’t get over how beautiful this part of the country is. The mountains, the mountains, the mountains. This was consistent with Utah, and as we entered salt lake city we found this huge city nestled in between the mountains. My friend tyrone davies helped us set up a show there, and like most salt lake city residents he is mormon. I only point this out as an aside, because I think there is an immediate prejudice when you label someone who is mormon-first. In speaking terms it would come across like this: “So this mormon guy comes up to me and hands me this book.” In tyrone’s case the mormon part is a PART of him, not his central being. I met Tyrone back in college in Columbia, and he has since moved on to salt lake city, then san Francisco, then back to salt lake city, where he is currently doing a variety of video projects and is awaiting a son or daughter from his expecting wife.
I always thought tyrone was a bit of an anomaly when it came to people practicing mormon faith. He was into a lot of different art and media, that wouldn’t typically be associated with the Mormon mainstream. In high school, the students who were mormon were clean cut, liked clean family sitcoms, and were always the happiest people on Monday mornings. In high school I thought they came across as a little delusional. But that was a hasty judgment coming from a kid who was dealing with puberty and losing the dream of becoming a professional baseball player.
I met tyrone’s group of friends, most to my knowledge were also practicing the tenants of the mormon doctrine. This was ignorance on my half, but I was really struck with how much everyone (the band and tyrone’s friends) had in common. We would have never guessed each other’s background, until at the end of the night we were asked if were LDS? I kindly replied no, and the subject went elsewhere. No one try to hand us a book of mormon, it was understood and respected.
So after the show we hung out with Tyrone, his friends, and some of the staff of Kilby Court (which incidentally is a great all ages venue in SLC). Afterwards it was decided that a friend Tyrone’s would be housing the band at his parent’s condo. Tyrone was moving so he had an empty house to offer us. His friend had actual beds (a luxury on the road if you can find it!) so we follow this gentleman named Blair. He and Tyrone work on a zine in SLC. So as our tightly packed ford windstar minivan followed Blair’s red sedan through the downtown area, we realize how wide the streets are. The amount of traffic does not equal the need for these incredibly wide streets. I came to find out that when Brigham Young settled the area he wanted streets wide enough for a horse and buggy to make u-turns wherever they liked.
We continued to make our way past the fading lights of the downtown area into the hills by the capitol. And went up, up, up, and up. When we got to the top we were met by a gated condo community. Blair punched in the code and went into what can only be described as a semi-exclusive community. After finally parking the car, we were well above SLC and saw the grid of streets and lights, it was actually breathtaking. Blair explained to us that the house used to be rented out to various people, but his family now used it primarily for family gatherings.
The interior had all of the earmarks of a mormon house hold. A painting of jesus, a timeline of Mormon history in poster form, neatly organized furniture made popular two decades ago, and bookcases of various books about the Mormon history and religion. It felt a bit alien to be in the house, but like the doormat said, we were Welcome.
Blair was a gracious host and got us towels for that other road luxury, showers! Oh i used that shower to its fullest capability. When Benjamin was done with his shower, he said he used all of his toiletries. Sometimes when you get caught in a bind and have to move to the next city or destination showers have to be quick, but seeing that we had plenty of time you could use all twenty of your shampoos! Okay it may not be twenty, but you get the point…
This visit to SLC comes as I finished Andrew Beaujon’s look at the Christian Music Industry in his book, Body Piercings Saved My Life. I am not a religious being by any means, but I have not been able to tackle the idea of the afterlife in a very constructive way. Basically it is a series of abstract thoughts that drift in and out of my head. After reading this book I think I have better perspective on the variety of groups that reign in God’s kingdom under the heading of Christianity. Some people are guided by the organized corporate churches and others maintain a personal relationship that remains just that, personal.
Well I’m going to nap now, as we head up I-15 to Boise… over-n-out…

Catch up time/ josh hancock/ me vs. my mom in wii-land

i am trying to think of where i should begin with this one...

i mean for real, this was one rollercoaster of a weekend. i guess the most logical thing to do would be to start from the beginning...

so we played a show in davenport, iowa. this was a five and a half hour drive that followed my day of parent teacher conferences. so exhausted and slightly under the influence we make it to the Red Stone Room. this was an upscale bar that was pretty new and littered with a mix of people. it seemed weird to have live music, especially the kind we play, but we did it anyway. you really thought waiters would be coming out to serve dinner. it had nice wood everything three huge video screens and a fancy club-like bar. you know the kind where the surface is so shiny you can see your drunk mug lookin' back at ya'?

so we play the show, some people seem into it, others hear it as background to their conversations. after we get done we are approached by a guy who was really complimentary of the set, but critical of my friend becky's movement as a bass player. "your bass parts were great, but you didn't move." of course this didn't sit well with me, because i bought this asshole a shot. so i told becky he should kick him in the nuts. she held back, and i proceeded to get weird on him. this was a tactic i used to get out the way of the bully. this guy was much taller than me and i was provoking him so i left him with this very strange reply, after he mentioned something about Burger King:

"Burger King? Burger King? Where I am from we don't have Burger King, we have Princess Land! What you call a Whopper, we call BEDTIME!" boo yah!

so yeah i couldn't believe was still able to stand. i had one and half hours of sleep, seven and half hours of work (two dedicated to parent/teacher conferences) and the limit of alcohol my body could take. so yeah mission accomplished, billy! seriously "BEDTIME!" ugh i'm an idiot. luckily nothing happened, and we proceeded to hit the towns of Davenport and Rock Island.

The next day I was TIRED!

somehow still made it in time to clean up the bar at Eastside... after bartending i caught up with some friends at a party, and then i got magically called away to a late night wiffleball game where i pitched up a homerun to my pal benjamin, he knocked the hell out of it, later i wandered the streets with a pleasant transient soul...

Sunday i am awoken to my friend jarrett telling me the cardinals and cubs game we were to attend was cancelled after the sudden death of relief pitcher Josh Hancock. Josh had pitched against the Cubs the night he was killed in a car accident. His car was heading down Highway 40 when smashed into the back of a tow truck that had been in the left hand lane helping another motorist. he was 29.

So with the game being appropriately cancelled i decided at the very last minute that i was going to go visit my family for dinner. good idea on my part. we had a nice dinner, watched some episodes of entourage, and then discovered the greatest piece of technology since the toaster. simply put, Wii.

holy shit! this is the most amazing piece of hardware. it is wireless and deals with all directional movement. if you are playing a golf game, you swing the controller like a golf club. if you are playing a baseball game you swing the controller like a bat. so my mom and i played a bowling game. it was like the real deal, complete with sweeping gutterballs and shattering strikes, my mom was responsible for the latter. she beat me three times in a row. i kept having to say i had to go, but Wii just pulls you back in for three or four more games. it is as addicting as my need for diet coke...

all in all a good weekend, but this week leaves me with a lot of work to do... what am i doing to myself?

I am playing the Mean Girl

Often I think my friends get tired of stories about my students. but man kids say the darnedest things... okay that was bad... but here is an exchange with one of my students today (names have been changed for the sake of privacy). I find Lisa digging in the sand by herself away from her friends. Keep in mind Lisa is 3 years old:

Billy: (okay this name isn't changed) Hey Lisa what are you doing?

Lisa: I am the mean girl.

Billy: Why are you the mean girl?

Lisa: Well... I am playing the mean girl.

Billy: Why can't you play the nice girl?

Lisa: Because I have to be the mean girl until I die in green. And then after that I will be born the nice girl.

Billy: Okay...

Some kids say cute, funny things like "calapitter" instead of catepillar. others blurt out things their parents say when they get angry like "god damn it!" (with perfect intonation). while a few, like Lisa, create fantastical worlds where they are one character then die, only to be reborn as another characther. their minds are complex and they see things we don't, like ghosts...

i have had students have full conversations with bathroom stalls, corners of rooms, and hallways... this phenomena is similar to a dog barking at nothing, or a cat staring for hours at nothing... so kids in general are cute, imaginative and creepy...

another recent development with my students, is that they are slowly catching on to the fact that my last name is schuh (shoe) and indeed that is funny, but they have decided to change my name to funnier, sometimes rhyming, words. here is a brief list:

Billy:
- Boo
- Poo
- Poop
- Silly
- Silly head (this one actually hurts my feelings)
- Pencilface
- School
- (fart sound)
- Goo Goo Gaa Gaa (my favorite)

Now granted these names haven't stuck, but i have been going through this my whole life, and i have yet to hear any original material... this might be a challenge for somebody...

a mix-mesh of the undercurrent

so there are floods of doubt and confusion coursing through my life right now, so the next few lines won't be coherent chronologically, but to me it will be a linear line of thought...

sometimes no matter how arresting the person next to you on a carved surface is, you must maintain your position...

maybe these dizzy spells and body aches are the sign of the end to be. which would be very disappointing, because i think i'm just starting to get my life in order...

sober conversations may alter perceptions, but atleast they are worth looking forward to...

even as the walls close in i know this is the right path, one step at a time, one step at a time...

...

his name was patrick

the other night a former student of mine invited me to a candle light for the anniversary of his brother's death. as you may or may not know i teach 3 to 5 year olds so this story is all the more tragic. my former student was five and his brother nearly a year old when he passed away. needless to say i was already close to this family, but after this tragedy took place i would become a little closer.

a year ago, i got the news from the head of school in the early evening. she told me simply that patrick had passed away and that the family was going to need a lot of support. i was in shock because the baby was in my class that day. he was crawling around full of energy, full of life. by that afternoon he had died. it was said that SIDS was the cause, and i cannot see how that reason could give any parent understanding. sudden infant death syndrome. that is just an acronym, not a cause of death...

regardless the family had an incredible year trying to move on, trying to wake up, trying to put one shoe on at a time, trying to put their clothes on and get going with a day that no one else in their lives would experience. constant reminders through out the house in toys, clothes, spaces, and pictures. patrick was only on the planet for a short time, but his impact was immense.

it is said that one of the greatest tragedies for a parent is to see their child die. i believe it. the following days afterward, patrick's father would make his way over to the school, exhausted from lack of sleep and overwrought with emotion. he would come over and sign his son (my student at the time) in and out. just getting back to a routine. trying to keep some part of his life consistent.

both parents were incredible through this whole situation. they did everything they could to make sure their five year old was going to make it through all of this. michael was a bright student and emotionally was very aware of his surroundings. which i think helped him cope better with his brother's death.

the vigil was beautiful, a small tree was planted in the front yard and several candles were placed around the young trunk. about twenty people from around the neighborhood attended, and each talked about the young boy known as patrick. some spoke about the parents, and others commented on the support of the neighborhood. which i think is the big picture of this event.

columbia over the past ten years has torn up huge segments of earth to make way for upscale homes and shopping centers. these new developments may attract families, but they won't attract entire neighborhoods like the one on Anderson Ave. (where patrick's family resides). this neighborhood pulled together and helped out the family. brought dinner over, bought clothes for the family for the funeral, mowed the lawn, took michael out, and provided a solid foundation for support.

this family would not have healed over this past year without those people, and the vigil was there way of saying thank you. it really makes you take a step back from your own life and realize what is important, what is necessary, and in the grand scheme of things how small we really are...

Mastodon...Megazilla...For Fuck's sake save your Blog entry...

okay so i wrote out this HUGE!!! blog about my experience at the Mastodon show, and wouldn't you know it, i messed up on one of the tags, and when i went back to plug in the entry it erased everything... it has taken me two days to recover, so i will try this again, and hopefully with the same energy, here it goes:

The other night I went to see Mastodon, Priestess, Mouth of the Architect, and Megazilla at the blue note.

when writing out concert reviews there is a simple set of guidelines one must follow:
1) Who you saw
2) Where you went
3) Try to avoid introducing a band as "my friend's band" when you do this it immediately puts that band on a grading curve. For example:

Last night i went to see my friend's band Toxic Waste Dump. They were pretty good. "Pretty good = horrible" sorry that is how it works. Also if you describe a band as "really nice people" first, also not a good band.

with all of this said.

The first band of the evening was Megazilla. i have seen this band numberous times but not on a sound system as big as The Blue Note. the duo has played in smaller venues, basements, art spaces, etc. but they certainly took advantage of the modest 1000 person capacity Blue Note. Did i mention these guys happen to be friends of mine. But lets take them off of the "Friend's band" grading curve. it would be unfair, because their perfomance was loud and they were tight. Corey "MegaCoCo" Cottrell explains that Megazilla is basically "a kick drum and amps" and he is right. Joey "MegaJoJo" Hook, plays the kit with six arms and a driving kick that layers very well with Cottrell's eight string bass. The songs are heavy but precise. The two have great chemistry, most likely because the two are off-stage lovers. okay that part is not true, but the two had previously played in a five piece called Grand Canyon, which, like most Columbia bands, met a premature end.

The most impressive thing about Megazilla's performance was the amount of people who were captivated by their show. during the quiet parts of songs there was not a single voice. All eyes were on these two creating a great warm up for the eventual headliners Mastodon.

Mastodon, has had lofty and genuine comparisons to Metallica. i have never seen metallica, but good christ the music is there. i am not a stranger to metal, but i'm not season ticket holder to the genre either, but this was a fantastic performance. these guys treat metal as an actual art form. there are no silly poses, or overdone costumes. these four just step up to their instruments and play. this is what other metal bands should strive for. yes the subject matter of their songs are considered "dark" and "heavy" but they don't need to look, dress or act that way.

i have returned... with what exactly...

so i went to austin, texas with my band, and it was hella fun... we played some good shows and saw some good shows. we spent time with friends and drank with them.

i had some very good meetings and got some great advice from new and old friends who own fantastic labels...

i think what i came back with is a fresh perspective on everything i am doing. i was really down on myself for coming off too business like sometimes, but after meeting some of the people i met, i am nowhere near that level. i am simply trying to get columbia on the map, and help bands i love get their music out to as many people as possible. it would be nice if this was my full time job, but it is not... not right now. i don't think this is a foolish pursuit... but time will be the best judge.

so after travelling 14 hours in the minivan with five other people (austin to columbia), i had to get up and motivate myself to face the onslaught of 20+ children and their needs at 8 am... it was a lot today, mondays are always difficult, they are out of routine, out of sync, and of course not feeling well... so after 8 and half hours i came home and fixed my computer, had some dinner and worked out for the first time in a week. austin was fun, but i paid for it... i think i am still recovering from friday night's partying...

i'll have a SxSW tour diary in MOVE magazine in the next couple of weeks...

i recently read a very good book called Attention. Deficit. Disorder. by Brad Listi. Brad contacted the band's myspace site and we traded his LA times Bestselling book for our cd... i read it in the van to and from austin, and normally this isn't the type of book i would read cover to cover, but i kept identifying with the main character. anyway i am going to write him a letter at my earliest convenience. the main character goes through so much personal tragedy, i'm curious to know how much of Mr. Listi's own personal demons are intertwined in the character. i know that sometimes the songs i write have very cryptic lyrics, but they are always connected to me somehow... anyway i highly recommend the book.

it is time to rest my head full of worry... good night to you all as well...

okay okay i now have a computer...

so now i don't have any excuse to update this...

here is what i know... as of the past couple months i have contemplated many changes in my life. we are talking big time transitions. i am not renewing my lease, i don't know where i'm going to live, but i know that i am looking for a month-to-month thing. so that should cause an ample amount of stress on my life on top of the other things...

but to counteract all of that i am working out on a daily basis (well 5 out of 7 days to be exact), and i am addicted to it. that's not necessarily a good thing but it gives me a routine, and i feel a whole lot better.

i will say lately my patience has run out on a lot of things. i realize i live in a community that i absolutely adore, but the members are all in transition in their lives. which of course effects everyone else. i have sort of isolated myself because i have issues i am trying to deal with. i think the big part of all of this, is that i feel like there are certain expectations of me that shouldn't be put on anyone. in my position i feel like there is no room for error, people just expect you to continue being this person that met five years ago, five months ago, or five minutes ago. and sometimes its just too much. i think the goal of anyone living here is to try to make the positive changes for yourself without hurting other people...

with that said i have hurt people in trying to continue on this path of music. i feel horrible about that, especially when you see that individual in public and there is this nonexistent look in their eyes. i can quickly dismiss that as eighth grade behavior, but that's not it all (and i have had to convince myself of this) it is much deeper than that. (i guess you all know who i am referring to at this point) but even though i know that the decision to leave a great relationship was for the best, the imprint is still there. the feelings take a long time to heal. i wish i could say something that would heal, but everything has already been said, and you have to move on...

which i have, and i maintain my singlehood for good reason. its just not my time to have a very involved relationship, other than the whole label and band thing...

speaking of... i will be in austin all next week for sxsw. i am excited and nauseated at the same time. i have had so much advice about going down there and having a plan of action. i already do, and i just want to take my time and soak in the festivities. the band has four activities:

- wed. 3/14 - IODA opening day bash with black angels, apostle of hustle, etc...
- wed. 3/14 - that night we are doing a daytrotter session.
- thur. 3/15 - we are playing right after the texas rollergirls. roller derby, texas style!
- fri. 3/16 - we will sit down with XM radio for an acoustic session...

on top of this i have various meetings with distributors and other labels. so i will be busy.

well i have vented enough, and i hope to get back to a more noteworthy installment in the next day or so...

The Shift of the Room....

So for the past month I have been battling a sense of vertigo. It comes in the form of a light head, a shift in vision, or complete unbalance. I looked to many possibilities: stress, a tumor, an irregular heart, low blood sugar, and possibly the need for corrective vision.

Stress - This to me was an all to likely candidate. I have a lot going on in my life, which in the past has caused me to break off good relationships, quit jobs, and acquire some very unlikely viruses and illnesses. So with this go around of dizzy spells I thought maybe this could be it. Currently at two jobs, own a label, and play in a band, this to me would be the recipe for disaster. No time for a relationship, some time for immediate friends, and some time for myself. I have concentrated on myself trying to work out more often (which I have), eat healthier (which I have), and get more sleep (which I have). I have also cut down considerably on alcohol and caffeine. But my stress still remains.... so here is where I think the dizzy spells come in. For this theory I may only be partly right.

Tumor - Now this of course is what many people in my family also freak out about. We have very little history of cancer in my family (we are a family of meat and potatoes and cigarette heart attacks) and of course this would be the big Cosmic joke that once I start leading a healthier life the Universe would deal a tumor to stand in my way. The doctor did a number of neurological tests. Not the kind with a brain scan and wires attached to my head, the basic physical exam. They check to make sure you can feel you hands and feet and face, you are reacting to light and dark normally, and just making sure all of your senses are in its right place (does food taste funny, do you smell odd scents, etc?) After letting them know that I could feel, smell, taste, hear, and see fine, I was good to go.

Irregular Heart - This same doctor gave me the okay on my heart as well. I thought that maybe I was having problems after having one dizzy spell during a work out. But my blood pressure and pulse were tip top, and my heart beat was regular... so I'm good there.

Low Blood Sugar - This to me would a realistic one. I have not cut back on eating, but I have cut a TON of sugar out of my diet. Moderation is key. I eat a good variety of fruit, veggies and meat through out the day. If I drink soda its a diet or caffiene free diet version of it. But the doctors said that with the food that I am eating I am getting enough of the sugar one needs to maintain oneself. Okay doc...

Corrective Vision - I have a pretty weak prescription. I am farsided and have been in need for glasses and contacts for a couple of years, but I haven't really needed them. I was able to read fine, drive fine and see fine. Recently I noticed things were not going as well as they had, and my vision blurred when reading small upclose print. But I pushed it aside arrogantly. Well my physician said it would be a good idea to have the professional eye doctor take a look at what is going on. My eyes have indeed worsened in the past couple of years. I have an astigmatism, different powers in each eye, and overall jaded perception of life. okay that last part was a bit of an exaggeration, but its true...

we'll see how this all gets sorted out. (sigh)

Bumbleebee, Jazz, Starscream and Beckham. If you know who the first three are you are officially a Nerd.

Okay before I begin I need to take a deep breath... I don't know how you do that in cyberspace. Regardless, I have uncovered, thanks to a friend of mine, a trailer, but not just any trailer, thee trailer that will own me until july 4, 2007. When I first heard about this movie my interest was drawn. Then I found out that Michael Bay was directing it and I completely forgot about it. So after a night of cards, a friend of mine showed me this trailer...

I have plans on July 4, 2007.

So the quality is a not as good, and in fact I would go to Yahoo.com and select the HD version of the trailer. It takes some time to download, but it is worth it.

I believe the Steven Spielberg involvement cancels out the Michael Bay involvement. Now I can truly enjoy this movie. I don't know who continues to let Michael Bay direct films, but please make him stop! Perhaps, Mr. Bay will turn it around here. Honestly it won't take much to turn it around from The Island.

When I was young(er) I loved the hell out of the Transformers. Bumblebee was my favorite (he was a VW bug) and Jazz was second (a sports car). But this new live action film has taken my clunky toys and poorly drawn cartoon and launched Transformers into a sleak and terrifying sci-fi picture. The Decepticons were bad guys in the 80s, but now they are MENACING. In this movie version they outnumber the Autobots (the "good" guys) and don't seem to care for life on this planet. A new addition to the movie is that both sides have two different forms. One form for Cybertron (their home planet, duh) and one for Earth.

I will most likely see Transformers atleast two times starting on July 4, and maybe a third, fourth, or fifth time if Michael Bay does not incorporate horrible music through out the film.

During my Transformer infatuation years, I was also a dedicated soccer player. I loved soccer I played Indoor and Outdoor. My favorite team was of course, the St. Louis Steamers. So it should be a strange cosmic connection that the day I learn about the Transformers movie trailer, we are all introduced to David Beckham as a memeber of the L.A. Galaxy. In the world of soccer, his name is huge. His ability has been on a downward slope. So is the U.S. the Florida Retirement Home version of Soccer stars past their prime? We'll see.

But I think there is something to be said when Soccer is one of the most popular recreational sports for children in the United States, but in the mainstream appeal it falls short, well short, of sports like Football, Baseball, and Basketball. Soccer has been trying for years to tweak and adjust it's commercial appeal, but they continue to pull in these circus tricks like the 13 year old soccer phenom Freddy Adu signing a multiyear contract with the MLS. U.S. soccer has a history with bringing in big names. Does anyone remember Pele playing for the New York Cosmos?

I really hope soccer succeeds in the U.S. but it is not going to be pulled up by a guy who is married to Posh Spice. (God Bless Ali G.)